Well the time has come to spill my deepest, darkest thoughts these days because simply, I can’t keep them inside anymore. In one small way, I know it will be good… in another, I’m afraid it will make things worse just incase it gets taken the wrong way. I have been with S since 2004. Yup… that’s 5 years we have been together… It has had it’s ups and downs but for the most part lately (last 2-3 years) there have been a lot of ups. We have also taken our relationship to another level in the process. I can really say that this is the man I want to spend my life with, but I have one major issue and as I get older and the issue doesn’t improve, I’m afraid it’s starting to send us on different pathways.
About a year and a half ago, S started working for his father. I guess it would be one thing if his father owned a company and he was going to take it over one day… but that’s not the case. His father works for a company, and S works for his father. It’s a sales gig and sounds good when talked about, but due to working FOR his father, the payout isn’t as fair as it should be. To cut to the chase, when they moved to
Now, I know I should be thankful that he even has a job today – but it’s getting more and more difficult to do anything because the phrase “I’m low on money…” is starting to wear thin. I’ve heard it for over a year. This is something he knows. We had never had this problem before he started working for his father. Now, it’s a daily issue.
I guess this bothers me because I am at a point in my life where I’m ready to move on to the next step. I’m ready to buy a house, get married and start my family. These have been dreams of mine since I was a little girl. However, in the situation we are in now… it will never happen. I’m also started to wonder if I’m the only one that wants it to happen. Sunday, we had a discussion about money and how things need to change… I found tons of jobs for him to apply for on Monday… just start applying I keep saying… it doesn’t matter if you make $15/hr… at least it’s steady money… that’s the point… I need to see steady money… I also need a man with a savings.
Yesterday I asked him what he thought about some of the jobs I found… his reply was “well, a few of them are actual careers… and I’m not quite sure…” and I had to cut him off. I said, “well, a career is what helps make you into something… I need you to have a career. Not just have jobs… I need you to be stable, have a career and support me in the long run.” Of course I had to continue and say “women need stability… women need to know they’ll be taken care of and at this point in our lives, I don’t feel like it’s headed in that direction. Look at what years of instability have done to your mom…”
And my point was made. Later that night, before I left I explained that I just can’t support him working for his father anymore. He’s being taken advantage of and it’s now hurting me. I left with the final words of – I guess what you really need to decide is what is going to happen in the long run. You need to decide if you are ready to settle down anytime soon. I’m not pressuring you, but if you do, then something like that should be a goal and you should be motivated to do what it takes to make that happen. Right now, I’m afraid you don’t. But also, if you don’t, please just tell me. Obviously I want you to want the same things I do, but I realize that you may feel differently… and that can happen, I just need to know.”
He told me I say it straight and this is why he loves me. He told me I’m right and he has to figure out what he wants long term…
5 years of my life and I’m terrified of what the outcome may be.
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2 comments:
Hey Ann Marie - relationships sure can be complicated, and money is certainly one of several things that couples fight about. But one key thing is that you both love each other. Another is that just because something doesn't happen today, that doesn't mean that it won't tomorrow.
It is really important and encouraging that you were able to let him know how you feel about this. That is how true dialogs can start.
I hope you both work things out and that the next 5, 10, 15, ... 60 years are wonderful together. Art
Whatever the outcome, you'll be better for it. Being in an unhappy relationship is not good, so he either needs to sh!t or get off the pot so you can move forward, whether it's with him or not with him.
Do think things through carefully, it sounds as though you have. Stick to what you believe in, don't settle.
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